Only

5.9.26

Is he your oldest?

Is he your only?

Do you only have one?

Innocent questions that catapult me

Into immense pride and simultaneous grief

Only

Yes my only

My one

The possibility of more

Lost to time wasted

Dreams deferred

Turned to ash as time ticks on

When did the moment happen to make this the only

Was it due to my silence

Declined opportunity

Six more months to see if it would get better

Only one more thing to grieve

Only one

Responsible

Everything

Everyday

The only one constantly

Worried about grades homework is he happy medicine appointments schedule logistics conversations from months ago do I do enough future skills coping passion independence insecurities coordinating with multiple schedules exhausted bullies responsibilities does he understand how much I love him what car being confident what college how will it happen will it happen did I mess it all up will he be ok am I messing it all up I love him so much I am terrible at this most important job that only I can do shame full of joy overwhelmed exhausted utterly spent guilt fulfilled

Yes he is my

And I am his…

Only