Release

4.1.23

How do you know which to believe

When words and actions conflict

Behavior is a language all it’s own

Vocalizations may be easier to see

Some say actions speak louder

Clinging to each faint whisper

Both easily articulated but not equivalent in fluency

Grand gestures of love dropped as bombs when intention of words without action are called into question.

Bombs and withdraw, advance and retreat, back and forth, hot and cold, commit then certainty unsure

Questioning why my trust is shaky

My heart dealing with the nauseating whiplash of your tenuous emotions

I search for safety by being curious.

Curious to know why, hear something real, semblance of truth, intent to work on self, and commit to a stronger future forward.

Would answers actually ease the pain?

Or is wanting them just a way to hold myself hostage, bound up in a prison of pain

Things that break aren’t always weak and don’t mean they’re broken

Breaking can be the healing

A cycle broken.

My pain has a purpose, it will never be pointless

My green eyes have run out of shed tears for you

My heart will no longer be attacked by anxiety with thoughts of you or your presence

My head will be held high by confidence restored

My hands once clenched with stress will be open

My soul no longer filled with bitterness

now lighter from forgiveness.

Mainly of myself.

But also of you.

I forgive you…